It’s been a few months since my last post. I apologize to everyone who was looking for new posts and updates. I hope you haven’t given up on me. All I can say is that the last half of 2021 is the most stressful and agonizing I’ve experienced in a long time. A death in our family, it’s impact on all of us, followed by stressful projects at home, all took the wind out of my sails. I just had none of the passion or creativity I usually feel about cooking and eating. Having to deal with Covid for ANOTHER year and limiting how much we were willing to socialize just squashed any desire to write my blog.

Finally, my best little buddy for the last 10 years, Bandit, was diagnosed with cancer on my birthday in October. He died on December 9th. I’m still grieving the loss of him. It’s painful to think of his being gone, but I’m trying to focus on the things about Bandit for which I’m grateful. It occurred to me that it might also help to write about it in my blog and perhaps share that with some of you. I hope you won’t mind that this post is about Bandit and what I learned from him. The love we get back from our pets, after all, is just as important a nourishment as the food we eat!

Bandit was a broken little soul when he came to us. I found Bandit through a pet finder app that connected me to a small animal rescue in Saint Marys, GA. He was rescued from a “put down shelter” in South Carolina. Bandit wound up there because someone saw him and his litter mate, Lokie, being thrown from a moving car in South Carolina. Both dogs were picked up and taken to the shelter. Both had been beaten, malnourished and terribly abused. It took a long time for me to win Bandit’s trust, but it was so worth it. Once we bonded, he never left my side. He became a shadow, a companion, a protector and the little guy went everywhere with us.

“Let’s go hiking Bandit!” he would spring up and down like a rabbit. “Go for a walk!” He wiggled so much it was almost impossible to get him into his harness and leash. “Let’s go in the car!” Bandit would be out the door ahead of us and race straight to the car or truck. “Gonna go camping Bandit!” He would race to the truck as soon as we let him out the door. Watching his joy and excitement over anything we did together made me see the joy and pleasure in it myself. He taught me to appreciate and cherish the countless times we did any of those things, or anything else, together. He was like most other dogs in that way, but he was special to me. I’m grateful for learning this from Bandit.

Patience is not one of my virtues. I really have to work at it. Most of the time I would lose that battle, before Bandit came along. He helped me get better at being more patient. Shortly after he came to live with us, I found him sneaking into the Master Bathroom, for the 3rd time that day, to eat the cat’s food. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I lost my temper and started yelling at him. He cowered and began to whimper. Seeing and hearing him, I stopped immediately and picked him up. I remembered what he had been through before he came to live with us and I vowed not to ever yell that way again, not in anger and certainly not directed at Bandit. The moment I put my hands on Bandit and spoke to him, he started licking my face and squirmed with joy. For him, the moment of anger was gone. I still feel guilty to this day.

Unconditional love is not something that humans practice very well. We feel it, at times, when it’s convenient and not painful. When we are hurt or feel betrayed or disappointed we sometimes hold on to those feelings, not wanting to let go. It changes our devotion or perceptions of those we love. Most of the time, the pain goes away, our feelings are healed, we forgive, but we never forget. We are creatures that live in the past and future and not nearly enough in the present. Dogs, on the other hand, always live in the now. We are the center of their universe. They depend on us and they love us unconditionally. Living in the now is hard for us, but I’m there more often than I used to be.

Nothing in our lives will warm our hearts and fill us with more pleasure than seeing the joy and excitement of our little buddies when we come back home after an absence. It can be an absence of a week or just a few minutes, but dogs almost never fail to tell us how much they love us when they see us return. I remember being away for about a week, Bandit was at home with Suzanne. I remember thinking as I fell asleep one night how much I missed the little guy. Suzanne had told me that day, when we spoke on the phone, how Bandit was spending so much time looking out the window, waiting for me to return. Oh how that pulled on my heart.

Just having Bandit next to me, or on my lap, helped to relieve stress and calm me when I needed it. He knew when I was upset and it would upset him. He knew when I was tired and he would rest beside me. He was excited and happy with me. Bandit came from a rescue and I know we gave him a good life, but he gave us so much more back.

When it came time for Bandit to leave us I stayed home with him that day. We had a 4:30 appointment to assess his condition. I knew what the vet would say to us. Suzanne and I gathered up his favorite bed and blanket and off we went. He rode in the front seat, on Suzanne’s lap. Bandit loved riding in the car, but being a “front seat dog” was his favorite way to go. I held myself together as I drove, glancing over at him to see his happiness at being in the front seat. He sat up on Suzanne’s lap, looking out the windshield at all that passed by. He was pretty weak and had slept most of the day, but he wasn’t going to let the opportunity to watch the world go by get away from him. When we arrived we brought in his bed and blanket and were ushered into an examination room to wait for the vet. For the first time ever, Bandit was relaxed and didn’t seem at all anxious to be at the vet’s office. I know having his bed and blanket made a huge difference, but I think he knew it was his time. Our vet came in and she examined Bandit. She explained what was going on. I asked if he was suffering and she replied that he soon would be. The doctor asked me if we were ready. I choked out that I would never be ready, but I think Bandit is. She explained what the procedure would be and asked if we wanted to stay with him. I had made up my mind that I would be with Bandit at this moment, no matter what. I held his little head in my hands and got down on my knees so he could see me. I kept telling him not to be afraid and that I was there for him. Tears streamed down my cheeks and he licked my hands as if to thank me for being with him. When he left this world I could feel him leaving his sick little body. His face was peaceful and he was gone. Nothing I’ve experienced in my life has been more painful, but I am so thankful I had Bandit in my life and stayed with him at the end. I was the “center of his universe” and there was never a time in his life that he needed me more than at that moment. His ashes and a couple of his favorite toys sit on the headboard, above my pillow and I say goodnight to him every night. He’ll never be forgotten. Rest In Peace Bandit.